What a better day to blog on a weight loss blog than "Mardi Gras" (Fat Tuesday).

I went to the beach over Carnaval and to do so I had to buy two swimming suits. No more bikinis for me... I decided I wouldn't let my weight keep me from going to the beach and having fun.

I tried not to compare myself to the skinny girls in their cute bikinis and tried to think of myself positively, but that is really hard.

With my short hair with a little bald spot and my huge belly (which got huger at the beach because of fluid retention) I felt like this:

It's really hard to feel cute and feminine when you're so big, and with short short hair.

Every time I ate something or drank a cup of soda, even if I was taking it into account in my calorie counting I felt as if I was "the fat girl drinking yet another soda, or eating a huge bowl of ice cream" (mind you, I never had a huge bowl of ice cream since I started calorie counting).

All in all, my feelings at the beach were:

-- I wish I could just disappear, so nobody could see me. 

-- Walking on the beach, i felt like a stranded whale.

-- I had difficulty sitting in the beach chair as my hips were a tad bit wider than the chair and I got stuck when I was trying to get up and fell on my hands and knees.

-- I feel 'unloveable'.

-- I don't feel like I'm a girl.

-- The feeling of the inner part of my thighs rubbing together was really unpleasant and it made me have to wear bermudas to be able to walk in, therefore I was left with a funny tan. 

Well, at least instead of resorting to food, this has only strengthened my resolution:

-- Next year I want  to look and feel more like this: